Another battle with school. Gloves on.

After asking at school on Tuesday, it became clear that CY doesn't have an IEP (Individual Education Plan) when he should have one. They've hastily put together 'Pastoral Support Programme' and it says Special Needs: NO and Medical Factors: NO
OMG I am mad as hell.
Shelley Bunting at CAMHS told me clearly (and I asked her to repeat it to make sure!) that as far as CAMHS are concerned, Joe has Social Communication Disorder and it's probably Asperger's. I have told his Ed Welfare Officer this and she acts like I have Munchausen's by Proxy, as if I want my child to have Asperger's! No-one wants their child to have it, but the fact is, he does and we welcome it now because it explains so much about him. This afternoon I will write a massive list of why kids with SCD /AS find it so hard to go to school, and I will give it to the people who deal with Joe. Even when they gave me a form for referral to the Ed Psych it said 'school attendance' was the problem. No, my son has Asperger's and because of this he finds school hard. Having Asperger's is a problem.

I bet every parent in the UK has this same problem and we all have to fight it individually because people in schools aren't listening!

Reading age and more updates

CY did a reading test today at school and despite school refusing for at least half the time over the past two years, he's got a reading age of 16 years and six months...all more indicators towards why he's been school refusing and more evidence to spur the school into demonstrating how they can cater for his gifted and talented needs. CY has been attending willingly for a short amount of time twice a week and decides himself what he will learn. I'm absolutely convinced that this slow process is the only way we'll get him back into anything like a regular timetable. He needs to SEE and experience how school benefits him, no amount of telling him will do it as he cannot visualise or imagine anything other than his immediate needs and experience. Today he was there for 2 and a quarter hours, happily did the test and agreed to another one on Thursday. Being lovely at home though still prone to tears and hypersensitivity over daft things so needs supervision. Still needs quite rigid, time consuming bedtime routine but it works and he sleeps so worth it. He sleeps soundly now we allow the dogs to sleep in his room and it's having a positive impact on his mood and co-operation during the day. Went into town with his friend on Saturday, only the second time he's been out and about without adults - came back on the bus together, all new life skills and confidence building, all good:-)
Still not heard re: DISCO and neuro cog test. Must phone CAMHS. Have meeting Thursday 12th March with EWO et al to review progress at school and plan ahead. CY's mentor at achool has asked me to sign forms to allow him to work with the ed.psych but will need consultation with IM at CAMHS before I agree- don't want too many cooks spoiling the broth. To me, helping him cope with the Asperger's (or whatever it turns out to be) via CAMHS will get him into school of his own accord. One of the end results will hopefully be better and more productive school attendance but it's not the first and only goal - the EWO obviously has a different viewpoint to us here. Mrs O, the teacher in charge of the unit at school, is becoming our newest saviour - fantastic welcoming and calm attitude and flexibility just as R needs right now.
Chops Elder has to make options choices soon but seems well sorted in what he wants to do. Parents' Evening next week.

Pride before a fall? Hope not.

After much soul searching and debating I have just cancelled the doctor who was supposed to be coming to assess CY for Disability Living Allowance. CY already sees enough people regarding his Asperger's and I just can't bring myself to list all his faults to a strange doctor while CY sits there as if he is such a burden that I need someone to pay me to look after my own son. Poor child needs SOME self esteem. I won't do it and I'd rather not have the money, even though it will get pretty tight. Fortunately, I can do exam marking in the evenings to make ends meet - but I bet it doesn't feel fortunate in June when CY is having a meltdown and I've got 300 scripts to get through! Onwards and upwards, though - CY has managed a few hours in school this week for the first time after months of school refusal due to anxiety.

Why don't Education Welfare Officers listen to parents?

Chops Younger has been school refusing for over two years, off and on. After what seems like an age being treated like the worst possible parents ( because GOOD PARENTS would find a way to get their child into school) it is emerging that, far from being the manipulative explosive child that the Education Welfare people assumed, Chops Younger probably has Asperger's Syndome. His school refusal has been fuelled by absolute terror/ social anxiety which was why the poor kid would suffer any sanctions and refuse any rewards to get him into school.
CY and I had a meeting with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health people) on Tuesday - the Education Welfare Officer from school was there and CY's angel of a specialist, IM. The idea was to thrash out a plan to get CY into school even for just an hour. CY has problems with mornings and I didn't want this mixing with his school problem so we arranged an hour on Thurs afternoon, where we would be given a timetable for next week. We have had no violent incidents from CY for months now as he feels so well supported by us and CAMHS and I'm not about to start it off by suddenly changing the goal posts.
CY, bless him, got all dressed up in his uniform on Thursday and went to school, into their pupil support unit for an hour and was fine. We were beginning to think this could never happen, a simple thing like our boy going to school. I was sooo proud of him - it sounds like nothing but was a massive step for him. The teacher there was wonderful with him and then I was given the timetable for next week, as organised by the EWO.

She's organised for him to start at 10am.

Not the afternoon as we asked.

And she wants the transition done in 6 weeks.

Not 8 weeks as CY asked.

Fortunately, CYs school mentor has a brother with Asperger's and knows the deal. She said as long as he does his hour and a half each day, the time he gets there is negotiable.

Why can't Education Welfare Officers listen to parents? We've spent two years with the threat of court action hanging over us because we couldn't get CY to attend school even though he is a very intelligent kid. Both Mr Chops and I work in education and value it - we weren't keeping him off school so we could go shopping with him! Believe me, the past couple of years would ahve been much easier for us if we didn't have to take loads of time off work. Can't even describe the stress of waking each morning to face a child who has completely locked himself into a silent passive world just to avoid the trauma of school. Just as we are making progress, they treat our requests with a pinch of the proverbial, as if we are making outrageous demands to take the piss. No, really, my son has school anxiety and (awaiting diagnosis but the experts think so) Asperger's. When we ask for afternoon appointments we are doing this to ensure success, not to be difficult. Please listen to us, EWOs. You have a job to get bums on school seats. We've got to ensure our boy can learn to face the world. And if it means getting labelled as a difficult Mum in order to make that happen, then let that be.

The view from Chopsville changes quite quickly. Dark times only linger if I allow the conversation to continue, otherwise they pass on the next breeze. By the time I've written it, it doesn't matter anymore and probably isn't representative of my opinion anymore. Except views about the British Education system - these tend to remain strong and unwavering and are usually right.